What to Say When You Renew Your Vows: Ideas for Writing Promises That Fit Your Marriage Now
Not sure what to say? Let's find the words under a glowing sunset.
Short summer reads…
The most common worry I hear from couples planning a vow renewal isn't the location or the date. It's the words. You said your vows once already, so what do you say this time?
The answer is that you're not the same two people who stood up on your wedding day, and your vows don't have to be either. Here's how I help couples work out what to say, so it sounds like your marriage as it is today.
Start With the Vows You Made
Before you write anything new, find your original vows, or your wedding ceremony wording if you have it, and read it together. Some of it will make you smile. Some of it will make you wince a little. A lot of it will still be completely true.
Make three piles: promises you've kept, promises you'd like to rephrase and promises you'd now add. That small exercise gives you most of your first draft before you've written a sentence.
Then Look at What Has Changed
You've lived a lot of life since then. Perhaps a new home, a new job, children, a loss, or a hard stretch you came through side by side. Renewing your vows is a chance to say thank you for all of it, and to promise what you're going to do next.
Vows don't have to be heavy to be heartfelt. If a shared joke has carried you through the years, it belongs in there.
Prompts to Get You Started
If the page is blank, answer a few of these quickly on your phone without worrying how they sound:
What did you not know about your partner on your wedding day that you know now?
What do they do that makes everyday life easier, and do they know you've noticed?
When did you feel most proud to be married to them?
What have you learnt from each other?
What would you like the next ten years to look like?
What's one small promise you can keep every single day?
A few honest answers become the bones of your vows. Then it's just a matter of joining them up in your own voice.
A Simple Shape
Most of the vows I enjoy hearing follow a simple three-part flow. Something you've learnt, something you're grateful for and something you promise. It might sound a little like "When we married I thought I knew you, and since then you've taught me patience. Thank you for every year of it, and I promise to keep learning." That's an example I've written to show the shape, not words from a couple, and yours will sound entirely different, which is the whole point.
Speak to your partner rather than about them. "You" lands harder than "he" or "she" when you're looking at the person.
How Long Should They Be?
Shorter than you'd think. A minute or so each is usually plenty. You'll be saying them outdoors, with the sea or the mountains behind you, so brief and honest beats long and polished. Read yours aloud once or twice. Whatever you'd miss if you cut it should stay.
Make It Sound Like You
If you wouldn't say it over breakfast, think twice about saying it at sunset. Vows that sound like a greetings card tend to fall flat, while the ones that sound like the two of you tend to stay with people. If you're the funny one, let there be a laugh. If you're the quiet one, let it be short and warm. Read it out loud once or twice, and change anything that makes you stumble.
Rings, Readings and Music
Your vows are the heart of the ceremony, but they're not the only way to say something. You can re-dedicate the rings you already wear, exchange new ones, or add a poem, a piece of music or a few words from someone special. If you'd like to explore how a renewal can be shaped, my guide to planning a vow renewal in North Wales covers the whole process step by step.
Writing It Together or Keeping It Secret
Some couples write their vows together. Others write them separately and hear them for the first time on the day. Both work well, and I'll happily work with whichever suits you. If you'd like more prompts, my Elope with Leon guide on writing your elopement vows offers another take on the same challenge, and much of it applies to a renewal too.
I Write Your Ceremony With You
Your vows are yours, but the ceremony around them is something we shape together. I write every ceremony script from scratch. There's no copy and paste, no template and no two scripts the same. In the months before summer we meet online or in person, so you have time to think and nothing is rushed. You can read more about the Renewal of Vows experience, which is £450 and includes a personalised sunset ceremony at a location of your choosing.
Ready to Start?
If you'd like to talk it through, speak to me about your ceremony and we'll start with a relaxed chat about your marriage. You don't need a draft or even a first line. You only need to know that you'd like to say something to each other.
Say it simply, say it as yourselves and let the sunset do the rest.